Saturday, July 10, 2010

Random Act of Cowardice

I know I started a section entitled "Random Acts of Deafness," but today was more of a suck it up and bear it kind of day so I'll call this one "Random Act of Cowardice, " and you can bet on seeing more "Random Acts" soon.

My 2 year old daughter was invited to a birthday party by a classmate at school; nothing random about this, she gets at least one a month.But today was not an easy day for me.  This was a pool party.

Normally, my husband would take our daughter but he was sick this weekend so I had no choice.  Thirty minutes before the party, most moms would be standing in front of the mirror asking, "does my rear hang out of this swimsuit?"  Not me, the swimsuit wasn't the issue.  My problem is the $6000 pair of hearing aids I have to wear.  No, they don't make my ears look fat.  But they certainly presented a problem.

I faced two harrowing choices...I could wear my very expensive hearing devices into a swimming pool with a dozen screaming, splashing toddlers, or I could take them out and enter the pool full of strangers and their children almost completely deaf.

I'm not usually much of a gambler and I imagine that most Deaf people would laugh at me for this but I decided to risk it.  I gambled $6000 and I wore my hearing aids into the water.  I just can't stand to be without them and I hate having to explain to people that I wear hearing aids and that once I remove them, I hear nothing.  I hate the look on their faces, the pity, the false empathy, the confusion, the embarrassment as they struggle with what to say next.  The feeling that some poor kid could be drowning behind my back and I'd never know because I can't hear his struggling, gurgling, cries for help. I hate it all.

So you can call me a coward but I'd rather gamble than deal with my deafness in the midst of strangers. paid off this time, I managed to avoid the splashes, and my hearing aids and my pride both survived!